Tuesday, August 12, 2008

;-) I MAY have to re-post this in November, but ...........................................

The USMC is over 219 years of romping, stomping, hell, death and destruction. The finest fighting machine the world has ever seen. We were born in a bomb crater, our mother was an M-16 and our father was the devil.

Each moment that I live is an additional threat upon your life. I am a rough looking, roving soldier of the sea. I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and I do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself. I am a green, amphibious monster made of blood and guts who arose from the sea, festering on anti-Americans throughout the globe. Whenever it may arise, and when my time comes, I will die a glorious death on the battle field, giving my life to mom, the Corps, and the American flag.

We stole the eagle from the Air Force, the anchor from the Navy, and the rope from the Army. On the 7th day, while God rested, we over-ran his perimeter and stole the globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors and slap the hell out of both of them. Soldier by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice, MARINE BY GOD!!!


Subject: THE Marine Corps Version of Genesis 1

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God.

In the beginning was God, and all else was darkness and void, and without form. So God created the heavens and the Earth. He created the sun, and the moon, and the stars, so that light might pierce the darkness. The Earth, God divided between the land and the sea, and these he filled with many assorted creatures.

And the dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called sailors. And He dressed them accordingly. They had little trousers that looked like bells at the bottom. And their shirts had cute little flaps on them to hide the hickeys on their necks. He also gave them long sideburns and shabby looking beards. God nicknamed them "squids" and banished them to a lifetime at sea, so that normal folks would not have to associate with them. To further identify these unloved creatures, He called them "petty" and "commodore" instead of titles worthy of red-blooded men.

And the flaky creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a twinkle in His eye, and a sense of humor that only He could have, God made their trousers too short and their covers too large. He also made their pockets oversized, so that they may warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them badges in quantities that only a dime store owner could appreciate. And He gave them emblems and crests... and all sorts of shiny things that glittered...and devices that dangled. (When you are God you tend to get carried away.)

On the 6th day, He thought about creating some air creatures for which he designed a Greyhound bus driver's uniform, especially for Air Force flyboys. But He discarded the idea during the first week, and it was not until years later that some apostles resurrected this theme and established what we now know as the "Wild-Blue-Yonder Wonders."

And on the 7th day, as you know, God rested.

But on the 8th day, at 0730, God looked down upon the earth and was not happy. No, God was not happy! So He thought about His labors, and in His divine wisdom God created a divine creature. And this He called Marine. And these Marines, who God had created in His own image, were to be of the air, and of the land, and of the sea. And these He gave many wonderful uniforms.

Some were green; some were blue with red trim. And in the early days, some were even a beautiful tan. He gave them practical fighting uniforms, so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training. And He gave them evening and dress uniforms... sharp and stylish, handsome things... so that they might promenade with their ladies on Saturday night and impress the hell out of everybody! He even gave them swords, so that people who were not impressed could be dealt with accordingly. And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down upon the earth and saw that it was good. But was God happy?

No! God was still not happy! Because in the course of His labors, He had forgotten one thing: He did not have a Marine uniform for himself. He thought about it, and thought about it, and finally God satisfied Himself in knowing that, well... not everybody can be a Marine!


Patton & St. Peter

Most of you know that Patton was a well known Army General. What you may not know is that Patton hated Marines. As a matter of fact, he hated Marines so much that when he died and went to Heaven, he had only one request of St. Peter before entering: "St. Peter" said Patton "I am very happy to have made it to heaven, but before I come in you must tell me if there are any Marines in Heaven. I'm sick of them. They were always outdoing my Army troops and making us look bad. They always got all the credit as the best fighting force on earth. Now I want to spend eternity in peace, without Marines!" St. Peter chuckled slightly and said, "Patton, you don't have to worry about that. Marines are too wild and crazy for Heaven. We can't have them here, they make too much noise and cause a lot of trouble." With that, Patton gave a sigh of relief and went on in to Heaven. He decided to take a tour around to see his new eternal home. Patton saw all the wondrous beauties and was smiling and whistling. Then he turned the corner onto Main Street and he saw it. He became furious and went running back to the gates of Heaven. "St. Peter!" cried Patton "You promised me there were no Marines in Heaven, but I was just on Main Street and I saw a Marine standing tall and proud in his Dress Blues and shiny shoes. Right there in front of my own eyes!" St. Peter chuckled to himself and said, "Patton, calm down, that's not a Marine, I told you we can't have them in Heaven. That's God, he just thinks he's a Marine."


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